


And I Hate When it gets Serious, It's like were going Blind

by sal_paradise



Series: Soft and Tender Gabriel Lorca aka  Fuck you Disco Writers [1]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flashbacks, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Mutual Pining, Young Love, and a rebel, fuck you discovery, gabriel lorca is a good guy, in allllll universes, katrina is a badass chick, mirror lorca is a big ham, mutual hugging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 04:39:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13450734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_paradise/pseuds/sal_paradise
Summary: In whichmy pal Captlorca asked for mirror!katrina meeting prime! lorca and confusing him for her own, and seeing him beat up she decides to comfort him





	And I Hate When it gets Serious, It's like were going Blind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dametokillfor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/gifts).



> We're building up a kingdom  
> We pray it never falls  
> I can lose my temper  
> You can put up walls
> 
> And I hate when it gets serious  
> It's like we're going blind  
> Take the needle off the record  
> I can't stand another chorus  
> About Juliet's control  
> Over mystified mankind~ Out of my Mind-The Killers
> 
> In which, Mirror! Kat crosses paths with Prime! Lorca when he ends up in her torture chamber, what is there relationship like?

 

Very few things shocked Katrina Cornwell these days.

She had seen it all, good bad and ugly; Mostly ugly.

Still on the news that the illustrious Michael Burnham had returned from beyond like a ghost. She could hardly believe even less as she stood in the crowd and watched as Burnham’s prize was brought in.

There, a cutting image in black, shining sapphire eyes, bloodied and shaking but very much alive, was the man who was once the love of her life.

Gabriel Lorca.

She couldn't help it. She gasped as he was dragged in like a common thief; wild and mangy but the will to fight was dented and worn down.

She couldn’t pry her eyes away as he smart mouthed the emperor and received a beating as his reward, she couldn't pry her eyes away as they dragged him away.

“Admiral Cornwell.” a voice commanded.

Katrina snapped to attention as the crowd parted. All eyes were on her. She tried to suppress the urge to shudder as the cold eyes locked on hers. They were relentless and dead. A woman who would snap her neck without flinching.

“Emperor” she replied bowing low, hoping to avoid making eye contact.

“It’s a joyous day Admiral we found you a new toy to play with.,” she smiled sweetly but Katrina couldn’t return the gesture.

“As you see the traitor has been returned to us as has Captain Burnham. While we celebrate her return I leave it you make our guest feel welcome…”

Katrina gave a stiff nod despite everything in her telling her it was wrong that she was in danger

She stiffened her shoulders held her head high and said

“Your will will be done Emperor”

The Emperor smiled, too many teeth gleamed at her.

Her heart dropped as she watched the emperor's men drag him away.

“Place nice Admiral” the Emperor cooed “i want him to have my own turn”

xxxxx

Katrina looked at the man before her, the Emperor liked to do things in a more traditional way. Move back to their Terran roots, using their good old fashion legs and fists. As a result, her men had gotten to Lorca before her; there was cuts on his face and one cheek was painted black and blue. There, strung up like a majestic buck caught up in a trap hanging by bruised arms, stood a man she hadn’t seen in a while.

Gabriel Lorca.

The last time she had seen him he had told her that she was making the biggest mistake of her life.

_“Don't you see Kat! She’s stringing us along it doesn't have to be this way! We don’t have to fight people like this!”_

_She had stared in disbelief. Gabriel Lorca, her friend, her lover, her confidant had cornered her one night to tell her he was going to go against the Emperor, he had formed a rebellion he had broken out of prison and was going to join them._

_She stared at him numbly._

_She couldn’t believe it… wouldn’t believe it… she had to tell the Emperor a part of her insisted.She had hoped prison had taught him it was all useless  mission. That trying and failing had showed him not to do it again_

 

_“Kat please…” he begged as he pulled her back to him. “Please listen, we can make a difference, did you really want to spend the rest of our lives fighting like this? Living day to day hoping we won’t be killed either by the enemy or the Emperor if she’s in a bad mood?”_

_Kat simply stared._

 

_“I don’t know about you… but I don’t want to live like that anymore, I’d rather be out there, away from all of this then spend another second cowering for my life.”_

 

_His hands wrapped in hers. “Come with me, come fight for something that actually matters! Rather then the fact that some of us are Terran or not! if we thought that was the case we should have just stayed on earth.”_

_She frowned._

 

_Gently, he brushed calloused fingertips against her lips “Don't give me that look please Kat” he muttered. She was silent._

 

_“ You know I don't know what you’re thinking when you give me that look.” he teased._

_She sighed, “What do you want me to say Gabriel? How do you want me to react? You expect me to throw away my life for you? You’re telling me that you’re going to go against everything we know and you expect me to be okay with it?”_

_“Kat…”_

_“No! Don’t you see? I’m trying to make a life too! I have a future here so do you!”_

_“A future killing others?” Lorca snapped bitterly. “How noble.”_

_“Oh don't become a martyr Gabriel! Don’t act like you’ve never killed before,” she hissed in reply._

_“I’ve done what I have to survive.”_

_“And that’s what I’m doing to Gabe!” she managed. “This isn’t a game to me! What do you think is going to happen when if you make it to the emperor and she’s just going to bend her neck and allow you cut off her head? Gabriel you’re not going to make it, you’re going to end up a rug on her floor and for what a flight of fancy, a fleeting mood!”_

_Lorca bristled “Is that what you think this? Just a goddamn daydream? Just because we did it to survive doesn't mean it’s right!”_

_Kat was silent._

_“Don't you miss it? Don't you miss how it used to be…”_

_“Of course I do!” she exclaimed. “But those days are gone Gabe we’re not getting them back!” She grasped desperately for his hand trying to make him understand._

I’m afraid _she was trying to say._ I’m afraid of being alone when you’re gone.

_“I need you.. Please don’t do this”_

_Gabriel shot her a cocky grin. That image was burned into her mind, him there half hidden in shadow, blue sapphire eyes gleaming, that righteous sparking burning brightly in him. He pressed a fleeting kiss to her lips, so quick you would miss it._

_“I’ll miss you too. Don’t get too comfortable I’ll be back before you know it.”_

_Xxxxx_

That seemed like a lifetime ago.

He hadn’t returned. He hadn’t succeeded in killing the emperor.

He had lost, his crew, his position, his safety ... her.

 

She looked at the form before her, head hung low, body bruised, smeared in blood. Thin, too thin for Kat’s liking, she could count every protruding rib. His breath came in uneven high pitched gasps.

She turned to the guards.

“It’s fine you’re dismissed.”The guards nodded and left.

 

Leaving her alone with the man who had once been the love of her life.

Slowly, she approached, cautiously as if she expected him him rear up and snap at her... But no he was in no state to do that.

Slowly she paused before him, with cautious hands she raised them to his face, taking in his appearance.

He looked older than she remembered, the line harder set in his features; like he had faced hardships.There was a ugly cut on the bridge of his nose that had split open and another at his eyebrow. His body shook with the occasional tremor telling her he had spent some time in an agonizer booth. He looked exhausted. He looked like death.

 

“Gabe” she muttered softly her fingers traced the contours of his face as if trying to remember everything.

How many times had he held her and done the same? How many times had she fallen asleep looking into those eyes, kissing those lips hearing that hoarse chuckle of his, feeling those hands on her body, holding her the only way she wanted to be held.

“Oh Gabriel,” she managed. “Look at us, look at what we’ve become. You should have stayed with me. Why didn’t you listen? Look at where it got you.”

 

She continued gently holding him. She had time, no one would disturb her, she was a master of her craft and in such a short time. She wondered briefly if he would hate what she’s become, a torturer by trade, moved up quickly to be close to the Emperor. She oversaw the checking out of hundreds of rebels usually without much hesitation. It had been hard at first, but she learned. She survived and she had assumed so had he. Till now.

“Come on Gabe please wake up,” she muttered. “I’m here, it’s me Kit Kat.”

 

xxxxx

 

_“Kit Katttt” Lorca had slurred in a drunken stupor one night they gone out drinking. They were young, their troubles were so far away. “Kit Kat please!”_

_“I told you Gabriel I don’t like that name please stop!”_

_It had gone the way these nights usually did, they had gone dancing on an alien planet, they had drunk too much. An Andorian had taken an interest in Kat and gotten too handsy and Gabriel had dealt with it the old fashioned way._

_He had the busted lip to prove it… too bad Kat didn’t need his help. She had dealt with it in record time,sent the Andorian scrambling._

_“You always do this Gabriel! Why can’t you just let me fight my own battles?”_

_“Because I’m a gentleman?”_

_“Try again smartass.”_

_He frowned, “Well because you’re my girl,” he said simply. “And because,” he smiled, “one day I’m going to need you to rescue me! So I’m racking up points.”_

_Kat rolled her eyes._

_“20 saves from Gabriel Lorca gets me entitled to 1 save from the amazing Katrina Cornwell.”_

_She frowned. He did always have a flair for the dramatic it became worse when he was drunk. He suddenly fell to his knees in the middle of the street. Giving his best shakespearean acting a go._

_“Help me, fair maiden Katrina for I’m in need of rescue!” he threw his hands over his eyes in damsel in distress way. “I have lost the ability to walk who will come to my aid?” he said lying in the streets._

_Katrina sighed_

_Why did she even love this man?_

_“Katt you’re not going to rescue me?”_

_She sighed._

_Men._

_Terra Men._

_She was sure that Andorian wouldn’t do this._

_She sighed again and extended him a hand_

_“The maiden fair is here to rescue me!” he cried as he latched onto her arm and scrambled to his feet. He stood blinking at her._

_“Now what?”_

_“Now you have to kiss the victim and bring them back to life.”_

_“Gabe you’re a piece of work you know that?”_

_“Come on”_

_“I swear to god you are never living this down did that Andorian slip you something?”_

_“Maiden Katrinaaa-”_

_“Alright alright,” she turned to him pressing her lips firmly to his, in one fluid motion he went loose and boneless in her grip letting her lead as she deepened the kiss._

_Finally she pulled back giving his damaged lip a nip as she went._

_Lorca blinked at her with those huge eyes, blue like Terra’s oceans, blue blue blue to get lost in for ages._

_“I know why you’re Kit Kat now” he managed_

_Katrina stared._

_“You’re sleek and seductive on the outside, and can choke a man to death on the inside.”_

_She punched him hard._

_Xxxx_

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there, holding him, familiarizing herself with him again.

She was stroking his cheek when he twitched his fingers scrambling for purchase despite being strung over him.

Slowly, dazed blue opened and her heart leapt, she hadn’t looked into his eyes in so long. They blinked sluggishly, before clamping shut. Gabriel let out a moan of pain.

“The lights!” he murmured “p-please it hurts.”

Katrina blinked. Gabriel usually didn't have trouble with lights, but here in front of her he struggled and shifted uncomfortably.

“Computer light.”

The lights dimmed significantly Lorca untensed slightly.

“Gabriel?” she ventured “do you know where you are?” his eyes were glazed over and drifting his mind clearly muddled she held his head in place.

“Gabe do you know where you are?”

The man before seemed to be trying to focus

“Kat-t?” a voice croaked after a minute “is that you?”

She smiled and couldn't help the small chuckle of joy that escaped her lips he was back her Gabe..

Suddenly the man before her  flinched back from her like he was burned she frowned

“Gabe? What’s wrong?”

He was shaking his head miserably muttering to himself “no- this is wrong you’re not here. You never came here it’s a trick you’re back home.”

She frowned “Gabe what are you talking about you are home”

Gabriel shook his head “ where’s home?” he managed.

 

Xxx

_Katrina should have known._

_How could she be so blind. Christ._

_“Captain Cornwell are you sure about this?”_

_Katrina nodded “do we have a lock on his location?”_

_“Yes ma’am”_

_“ then I’ll call if the situation gets out of hand.Otherwise, energize.”_

_A second later she was on the alien planet. It was a place she knew he would come here, he was wanted here, loved even._

_Fuck she should’ve known._

_Terra went to war with the stars years ago, In fact Gabriel and Katrina were both in the academy when it happened.Rules changed fast, it went from reporting all actions of non-Terra’s to local authorities to cutting off ties with all non terra completely. Gabe had seethed in anger, He had friends he grew up with who were non- Terra. He had ranted to her one night as they cleaned up after a dinner party._

_They were living together, sharing a crummy flat - but they were together she told herself._

 

_“Can you believe Rudolf?” Gabriel snarled as he cleaned up plates and cups_

_“His tone, his indignation?” he lowered his voice an octave and grumbled “ you don’t understand Gabriel they're not like us, if I can’t recognize myself in them how can i work with them - oh that righteous self loving mother-_

 

_“Gabe” she muttered_

 

_“Of course we can work with them! I mean we’re the odd ones out out here no one looks like us they could-”_

_“Gabe-”_

_-he makes my blood boil, while I outta-”_

_“GABE!”_

_He blinked. “What is it Kit Kat?”_

_“Enough already with all this talk, look I know you’re not a fan of Rudolf but he’s my boss, I need his approval if I want to move up in the force. I know his take on non-terra is outdated but right now- we’ve got to suck it up and play nice.”_

 

_Lorca bristled at her words “play nice? Play nice since when do you Katrina Cornwell play nice? At anything?”_

 

_Katrina was startled by his sudden aggressive tone “ what are you implying?”_

_“Oh me? Nothing...except that the Katrina I know, the woman I love wouldn’t allow anyone to walk on her, even her boss. She would lay the groundwork and they could take it or leave it.” he shook his head. “I don’t know what happened to you but since the academy rules changed the woman I know has become a dog with a tail tucked between her legs. “_

 

_Katrina felt something rear up in her at his insult “oh you’re one to talk Gabriel Lorca!” she snarled. “Every since the change you’ve been risking your life for what? For friends who wouldn’t do the same for you! How many times have I had to pull you out of the fire?”_

 

_“I’m not a child Katrina! I can take care of myself!”_

 

_“Then maybe next time I’ll let you burn! Teach you a lesson!” She spat._

 

_He blinked at her shocked by her words. She realized too late how harsh and ugly they were._

_“What happened to you?” he managed weakly._

 

_“I’m scared Gabe alright? I’m scared for me, I’m especially scared for you. You don’t hear what people are saying? People that talk back or break the rules that go missing in the night?”_

_She told herself she wouldn’t cry but she felt hot tears._

_“The emperor is keeping track of everyone and everything and it's’ not worth the risk! Why are you so eager to die for them?”_

_“Why are you so eager to die for her?” he retorted._

_She froze._

_“Gabriel…”_

_“No Kit Kat look, the change in rules has been hard on the both of us. I feel like we’ve been drifting ever since… it’s like we’re on opposite islands trying to get our point across..”_

_“Gabe-”_

_He shook his head “No Kat, I’ve got to ask now… if push came to shove who would you choose, them or me?”_

_Katrina hesitated… It should have been so easy...but…_

_Gabriel let out a sad chuckle at her lack of response “I thought so.”_

_“Gabe don’t do this!” she pleaded tugging at him but he moved out of her way. He headed for door. As he turned to go he saw her, pain vivid in her eyes. The same he felt in his heart._

_“Goodbye Kat. Hopefully one of us is wrong.”_

 

_Katrina shook the memory out of her head, that was months ago. They had been civil, but Gabe had moved out, she hadn’t begged, he hadn't asked to return. They were both idiots. In some ways she wished she could have had a normal breakup. One where Gabe drunkenly made out with an Orion and said it meant nothing. Then she could cut him out of her life fully and completely._

_But here, in this state her heart bled openly for him. While he was out there, trying to fight the power in small ways (he had staged small protests incognito) led small queues but there was small rumbles, he was causing a stir. They didn't like it.  That’s why she was here. Watching him get closer and closer to the edge till he could be ignored no longer. He had quit the force shortly after they broke up. Gone into hiding claiming he only wanted to be a common Terran._

_Fat chance. She knew where Gabe was he was easy that way._

_He was in his   group the  token terra friend, they were all alien species except for him. He hung out with an Andorian who was childhood friend named Azure, an Bajorian,and an Orion. It was an odd mix, but one Lorca had grown tight with._

 

_Azure was one of his best friends, they were loyal to each other to a fault. Andorian;s in particular were picky about loyalty and didn’t take mistrust well, the Bajorian a female named Ticocca and the Orion male, named Blazem were his core thought they were others._

_Katrina knew where they were, if you knew where to find them they were in plain sight. Slowly she made her way to the dive that Gabriel liked to inhabit, not one for fire or fury she simply walked in._

_There at a table was Gabriel Lorca, playing cards with his friends.he looked…. well skinner but lively, eyes filled with mirth he was alive... As she came closer they all looked up at her, she could feel Blazem reaching for a weapon as well as Azure._

 

_The Andorian stood “ Az it’s okay, we knew she was coming” Gabriel managed dryly_

_“Kit Kat it’s good of you to come, won’t you join us?”_

_She frowned._

_Blazem growled low in his throat, even Ticocca whose race was more meek and peace loving glared daggers at her. As far as they were concerned, she was the enemy._

 

_“Guys please, we discussed this we all knew it was coming” Lorca soothed “ now before I go with Kat, I just want to finish having my drink and kicking your hides at poker like I usually do.”_

_Ticocca pried her eyes away from Kat finally “ you wish G” she managed._

_Blazem untensed slightly but Azure did not_

 

_“She is not welcome here Gabriel. She’s with them.” He spat the word Them with heated venom_

_“She is traitor to us. To you.”_

_“Az please we’ve discussed this, this was my last hooraw with the gang.”_

_Azure growled he lifted a jagged blade to eye level” she's been nothing but misery to us it would be so easy to…”_

_“Az,” he managed more firmly “enough” Azure lowered the blade. “You’re better than that.”_

_He turned to Katrina._

_“Now my former darling dearest are you going to let me finish my hand or are you going to drag me away kicking and screaming in the middle of it? That would be incredibly rude by the way.”_

 

_Katrina rolled her eyes “Gabriel…”_

_He shook his head, “please let’s keep it short and brief and let's not say anything were going to regret, yes?”_

_She nodded as she sat in the chair and for a time allowed him to indulge, laugh with them, hold them, shed tears. Finally, a little tipsy and teary eyed he hugged and kissed all his friends goodbye._

_He stuck out his hands to be cuffed. “Well don't go soft on me”. He managed “you never have before.”_

_Katrina flushed as she slapped the cuffs on._

_“Okay now you gotta rough me up darling,” he purred. She winced. His spirits were high for someone about to be dragged off to who knows what fate._

_“Kit Kat” she met his gaze “Its okay. Really.”_

_How did he still have all this love to give?_

_“I’m sorry” she managed._

_It’s okay his eyes seemed to say._

_She ran a hand through his hair to make him look dishevelled then rounding back she punched him as hard as she could in the face. He grunted, staggering backwards; she heard Blazem curse and Az unsheath a weapon. Katrina didn’t give him time to recover, a swift knee to the stomach sent him reeling. Gabe looked winded._ Good enough _she thought as she pulled him to his feet and hauled out the door._

_Katrina paged the ship and soon they were soon back on board; Where Gabriel was yanked away from her. He shot her a small smile and then he was gone. That was the second last time she would see him._

_Xxxx_

. Gabriel's eyes slowly traced her movements across the room as she moved.

“Kat-t” he croaked. “T-thirsty.”

She frowned, what had they done to him she thought for the hundredth time what had  Michael  done to him.

He wasn’t fully lucid. HIs mind seemed to be drifting,lagging. She hated this.

Slowly she brought a cup to his lips which he drank greedily from, dribbling water on himself like a child.

“Easy slow down” she muttered softly stroking his matted and bloodied hair, trying to sooth him. Let’s take a better look at you alright?” She hated to do it, but she had to, slowly she began to cut away his tattered clothing, he protested probably expecting another beating- and because that stupid leather jacket he loved so much that he said made him feel like a space pirate was still intact- “I’m a renegade Kat!” he had said when he showed it to her, she had rolled her eyes....It was the last thing she had seen him in. until now… as he hung before her bare chested.

She winced.

Gabriel’s chest was covered in huge bruises, up and down his rib cage, there was burn from electrical shocks, ligature marks around the neck showed someone had held and gripped him hard enough to bruise.

She frowned.

She was walking around his form from behind when she spotted it.. _what was that?_

 

Katrina didn’t want to go into too many details, but to say she knew Gabriel Lorca,was an understatement. She knew what turned him on, she knew how to read his body, she had seen him naked enough times and lay with him like that. She knew his scars, and freckles, which muscles didn't like to be tickled, and which sweet spot turned him into a pile of goo, so to say that she was unfamiliar with the scars on his lower back was new to her.

She bent closer as she examined the mark. It was scar tissue that much she was sure of, shaped like a jagged line and a triangle?

A symbol?

She’s seen that mark before she recognized it-she racked her brain for an answer and it came to her it was klingon.

The symbol for coward.

She felt the pit of her stomach drop away in despair as she delicately touched the mark only to have Lorca thrash like a fish on a line.

“Please..” he all but whined it was clearly a sensitive spot for him still.

She could never stand the noise of him in pain ,so she returned to the front of him cradling his face in her hands.

“Gabe, it’s okay, I’m here.”

He leaned heavily, desperately into her touch.

Kat blinked, she knew Gabriel Lorca was in bad shape when he sought out affection of any kind, he was very much the sort that one had to force upon him, he had not problem giving it, but receiving it was like asking him to do some horrible task. Only when he was in pain did he give in easily, even then you still had to push a bit.

Yet here he was closing his eyes and leaning into her as much as he could, he was trembling with need, she lifted his chin and his gaze to her “ Gabe you’re okay, I’m here do you know where you are?”

“D-discovery” he managed. “The USS Discovery-y.”

She frowned.

“It’s-s m-my ship.”

“Gabriel that ship isn’t yours, that belong to Captain Tilly,” her frown deepened, he seemed confused. “And USS what was that?”

 

“K-kat h-how are you here? You’re back home-e”

 

“Gabe I’m here with you. We’re aboard the emperor's ship, you were captured my Michael Burnham.”

 

“M-michael” he muttered “I-I want to see M-michael she’ll know what-what to do.”

 

Katrina froze, “Gabriel did you forget already what she did to you.”

 

Lorca shook his head miserably, “S-she’s good, better than m-me.” His head was lolling.

“Gabriel focus, you’re not making sense” she snapped, taking his head firmly in her hand those blue eyes stared almost blankly back at her.

“You’re b-beautiful “he managed.

 

Kat flushed, it felt like it had been years since she had heard him say that.

“Gabriel…” She felt a hot rush of emotion, suddenly it was hard to swallow. She didn’t imagine their reunion would be like this.With trembling fingers she stroked his cheek gently. There was so much to be said between them. She felt like a different person. He looked like a different person, more world weary, more tired, more hurt.

 

“I- I missed you. I’m sorry I- I was stupid to let you go.” he managed. His eyes were glued on hers, she was unable to hold back her emotions any longer as she leaned in and placed a gentle chaste kiss on his cheek.

 

Gabriel shuddered “God I missed you-” he slurred “so m-much” she smiled weakly “it’s too good to b-be true you- my Kitty Kat.” the last words had an odd southern twang she had never heard before.

Katrina froze, “What did you call me?”

“Kitty Kat, he murmured as he all but nuzzled into her hands.

“Kit Kat, you called me Kit Kat, never Kitty Kat.”

Gabriel stared almost blanky at her “I’ve always c-called you Kitty Kat. You hate everything else.”

“I hate Kitty Kat Gabriel I’m not an animal,” she managed.

Kat could feel her heart rate rocketing something wasn’t right.

“K-kat”

“Yes Gabriel?”

“I'm sorry-y,” he managed.

“You said that already Gabe.”

“M- S-sorry" he managed "for what I did to us to y-you” she tried to smooth the worry from his brow with gentle fingers, sooth his pain as he trembled and sweat with fever before her but she couldn’t shake the nagging doubt in the back of her mind.

She needed to know.

“Gabriel, where did we meet?”

“The academy, why-”

“Where did I kiss you first?”

“We were at a p-party, I wanted to get a smoke you followed-d”

She frowned.

She had smoked in academy, he had said it was bad for her…

 

“How did we spend our graduation?”

 

Gabriel frowned. “We skipped it … we spent three days on that planet that had the white diamond water and the purple beaches we camped out under the stars…. It’s was some-e of the h-happiest memories of my life.”

Kat closed her eyes and sighed. That never happened. They had both gone and had a few drinks and called it a night. They started the next day. That memory… whatever it was sounded beautiful. Something to hold onto. Something he had held onto.

Kat sighed pulling back from slightly.

“When did I see you last before recently?”

“A-at the hospital I-i thought I lost my sight after the Buran, I was bandaged and panicking- I’d never forget those hands, you sat with me you brought me M-merkin.”

Merkin...his tribble…

That was the same..

“And who were we working for again?”

“Starfleet-t” Lorca managed. He was so far gone, no attempt to dodge questions was present.

Starfleet… She had never heard of them..

The eye damage.

The unknown scars.

The lack of knowledge of memories.

She suddenly felt despair grip at her...this wasn't her Gabriel.

Not the Gabriel Lorca she loved. It was an imposter, a double…

An clone, a sham.. a....a..

Her mind was reeling, were both he and Michael not from this place?

He -

“I-im a broken man K-kat …” he managed as if  stating  a fact. It hurt to hear him say that. No one wanted to hear that from someone they love.

“Gabe..”

He shuddered as she she lay another kiss gently on his temple, and another on the corner of his jaw. They were light and fleeting full of wonder and mirth just like he remembered. He closed his eyes

She couldn't help it. She felt the first tears burn at the corner of her eyes. He wasn’t hers. Her Gabriel. He was still lost. Maybe… he was gone forever.For a minute she wondered, what the place that this Gabriel was like was from , were they escaping? Was it worse? Better? Did he-

Did the other version of her love him the way she did?

was she missing her Gabriel the way she was?

She hoped so.

She really did.

She couldn't take him away from someone else. It wasn't right. He had his own path to take and his own role to play.

“K-kat”

“Yes Gabe?”

“Please I-I need..” he dropped his gaze as if ashamed “I n-need” she knew what he needed. He needed someone to hold him, tell him it was okay even if it wasn’t -to give him shelter, give him a place that could be safe even for a short while.

Kat could be that.

“Hang on Gabe.”

Slowly she lowered him to the ground and undid the manacles binding his wrists. He all but fell into her grasp, his arms winding around her shoulders and burying into the crook of her neck. She held him up, before lowering the both of them to the floor.

He leaned into her eagerly almost desperate for her tender touch as she kissed his bruised knuckles as Lorca whimpered softly into her shoulder.

She hated to see him like this. Gently, she wrapped him in her embrace, trying to share her warmth, her peace with him for as much time as they had. She hummed gently as he shuddered against her. Slowly, gently, she bent down and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“You’re okay,” she managed “I won’t leave you again.”

He nodded against her, he turned to her and returned the favour placing his lips softly against hers.

It had been, a lifetime ago since she had felt his lips on hers, soft and full of yearning of memories gone by, of better days. She returned it eagerly.

He deepened the kiss hungrily, his fingers  twining with her in desperation until they at last broke  apart.

“T-thank you” he managed

“No thank you” she replied

Neither said  what they really  wanted to say _I’m sorry… for  being  afraid, for not doing enough, for not going back for you, for not staying by your side, for ... for everything_

Get some rest she managed “ they won't  bother us here. I’ll keep watch I promise. I’ll still be here when you  wake.”

 _I’ll still be here._ Finally not fighting the pull of sleep he snuggled into Katrina, breathing in her

scent as she hummed quietly running soothing hands through his hair, listening to each other heartbeats. They were not what the other expected, but for the moment they were what each other need and that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> have a request?  
> hit me up at tumblr  
> life-on-the-geek-side


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